Southern Exposure

Dear Blog,

I’m sorry. I admit that I’ve been neglecting you for far too long. But I’ve been changing–changing the studio location, but also, you know, working through other changes, too. Change, when done with intention, takes time and effort. One thing it is important to change regularly is underwear. Which leads me to this subject:

I miss leotards.

Yes, ever since the breakthrough news about see-through yoga pants, probably everyone has been thinking more about underwear. What are the best underwear to wear to have proper coverage and comfort under yoga pants? I’ve tried all the kinds I can find. Grandma panties? they bunch up. Boy shorts? these create a panty line that highlights my thigh panniers (these are those little baggy, bumpy, saggy sacs just below the hips-which I have, but obviously some women don’t). Thong? but now all the yoga pants have low waists and the thong rises above, which I know is sort of the idea, but I remember the first time I saw a woman bend over and her thong slid up to her waist as her pants dipped below the plumb line. I wanted to warn her–to let her know everyone could see her underwear. UNDER-wear, get it????

How about no panties at all? This brings us back to that see-through problem. It seems like EVERY pair of yoga pants, regardless of brand or material, when held to the light, shows clear through. Since I demonstrate a lot in front of the class, I feel strongly that I shouldn’t moon my students.

As it turns out, my favorite style of underwear is French bikinis–of which I have one remaining saggy pair from many years ago. I teach and wear yoga pants every day. Although that particular pair IS my fave and a comfortable fit is important, I don’t think I should wear the same underwear all the time. I remember a college friend who went to France, lost her luggage, and only had one pair of underwear. She washed it in the sink daily, but had a vicious UTI by the end of the trip. I wondered why she didn’t just buy more, but then again she was a student, with a limited budget, and you have to prioritize spending while in France. When you drink enough wine, you really don’t care as much about your underwear.

But then again, maybe it was because FRENCH BIKINIS NO LONGER EXIST. At least everywhere I’ve looked. Granny panties, boy shorts, thongs, or Spanx. These are the choices I have found in the many lingerie departments I have searched. If you are among the non-panniered-thigh women, boy shorts fit and look great and yay for you. If not, Spanx certainly cover the bottom while eradicating the bulge using compression so strong that even my hips straighten up and fly right. But also, at some point, I cease to feel my feet. And somehow wearing tights with my tights seems, I don’t know, sort of redundant. Thongs create the opportunity to spend the day with a piece of floss working its way deeper in and up, so it can be seen by all. Which, when considered that way, is pretty gross.

Maybe I should spend more time searching, but really, this problem has a simple solution. I might sound like an old fogey here, but back in my day, we wore leotards that stretched across our tights on the OUTSIDE. The tights, being tight, kept anything out of private spaces and covered them with leotards in beautiful floral prints that were meant for the world to see. Now with such coverage, it’s hard to show off those low lying tattoos, but that isn’t really the point of yoga (I don’t think).

If you see me looking through retro racks or resales, you know what I’m looking for. Leg warmers are back. Maybe there are a few leotards still out there as well. I’m hoping this will be easier than finding French bikini panties. If you are in the fitness clothing biz or a producer of underwear, listen up. There is at least one person looking for panties that love my hips or leotards that cover my crack. It’s a change I’m willing to be and see in the world.